And the truth shall set you free

Here's a comedian joking he's "undatable." I searched that term and there might be a TV show by that name or something, so that might be a hook.

He says his therapist told him one of the things that makes him undatable is he has no filter. He just says whatever he thinks.

And came up with an example from his personal life where his girlfriend asks him a GOTCHA question "What would you change about me?" He says there is one and only one right answer to that: "NOTHING." 

The ENTIRE audience gave him a chorus of "NOTHING" shouted back at him, so they are apparently familiar with this question, which makes me think it's probably not just one psycho bitch he had the misfortune of sleeping with.

This is something women apparently do. I don't actually find it funny in the slightest.

My mom was German and she was born into Nazi Germany in the 1930s. She seems to have grown up in an extremely toxic social environment and she would translate German sayings to English, like "When you point a finger at someone, THREE are pointing back at you." complete with pointing at you and waggling the three fingers to demonstrate the concept.

I'm apparently both sides of this equation, or have been at various times in my life. I probably was some version of this bitch at one time because my ex quietly busted me once "Why are they your kids when you are happy with them and my kids when you aren't?" 

He also had a great saying about "It's a when did you stop beating your wife question." In other words, a question that assumes guilt and makes it difficult or impossible to answer it in a way that makes it clear you aren't now and never were guilty of any such thing.

I'm guessing being married to me at a young age is part of how he figured out there are people who ask these GOTCHA questions where the goal has nothing to do with finding out information and everything to do with nailing you to a wall. I was probably like that for the first decade or so we were together.

I would never think to ask a guy "What would you change about me?" I'm always trying to communicate what I CAN'T change because of my medical situation or whatever, what I can change within certain parameters and trying to figure out what is true about him in that regard to see if we can negotiate a workable long-term relationship.

For example: If you meet someone online and one person is flexible about where they live and the other person is not, you may be able to work it out. If you are both plants rooted permanently to the ground RIGHT HERE, don't waste your time. You two don't have a future together.

I spent some time having a series of long-distance dalliances during my long, drawn out divorce where I was in no position to commit and wasn't looking for a relationship. I was in constant physical agony and terrified of my future and just trying to make it to dawn by passing the time talking with people.

It was men who were all "Hey, I like you! Etc." and these were men mostly in countries I was unlikely to move to who had personal situations not conducive to us making things work. 

So I just began asking men point blank what they found attractive about me because I already figured this dalliance was dead in the water as a serious relationship.

The result: I had my mental model for why I am attractive destroyed. Whatever I thought about my body or looks or whatever, I rarely got the same answer twice. 

Different men find different things attractive. They are individuals with individual ideas about what makes a woman attractive.

The five minute clip above doesn't reveal what he told her or who she is, but he claims his reply was the beginning of the end. And I'm kind of going "The truth shall set you free."

I mean if you DESPERATELY need THIS relationship because it's a green card marriage or you are in hiding from an abusive ex or you are incapable of working and they pay your bills or there's a child you two are raising, maybe don't poke at things you don't really want to hear.

If you both work, you're not married, there are no children and someone asks you a GOTCHA question and doesn't like the answer: Good riddance. Stop wasting your time.

Unless maybe it's a case of "I just need SEX and don't really want a meaty relationship and she's my flavor of body type air head because I need someone to hold."

She probably doesn't want to hear that EITHER and you aren't obligated to tell her the truth because odds are very very high she's not really looking for a meaty relationship where you two talk and you two share your hopes and dreams and no one else knows you better and you are both ride or die for each other and HELLBENT on pursuing your dreams together.

She's probably looking to kinda sorta half-assedly meet some of your sexual needs in exchange for name dropping and having a free roof over her head.

I was hoping to have my own career and I thought my husband and I were on the same page about that. We weren't.

I supported his dreams. He did everything in his power to kill mine.

MY idea that a marriage is about two people bonding to each other as individuals isn't what most marriages are about. Most are more like polite arrangements to help two people survive in this hostile world.

I don't have a problem with someone making a polite arrangement. But don't lie to yourself about it if you want to have any hope of making your life work and ideally don't lie to each other about the fact that this isn't love.