HN

My entire life is a giant waste of time. I am -- or appear to be -- the first and second woman to ever make the leaderboard of Hacker News, a forum roughly 98 percent male when I joined.

This is a COMPLETELY empty, meaningless, vacuous "accomplishment" veering strongly into "other man hating bitches are RIGHT: MEN really are just sexist pigs and that's all there is to it!!!" territory.

I don't have a SINGLE friend or professional contact to show for all the time I spent there, it didn't lead to an adequate income and I was openly mocked for hoping it would (while everyone GLEEFULLY promoted a MALE con artist and made him rich) and I no longer participate.

Anyway, if you are a woman: Don't hang your crap on me. That piece ends with the following paragraph:

So bitches in tech who desperately WANT to piss on the men as sexist pigs, please go find your shit to fling SOMEWHERE ELSE because I generally like you a lot LESS than the guys who helped save my life while I -- completely unintentionally and in spite of my absolute best efforts -- routinely made an ass of myself and thought that was entertaining distraction from the constant agony I was in (rather than "You people are MEAN to me and it's YOUR responsibility to understand my pain and problems and accommodate them.")

I have a form of cystic fibrosis. I'm from some weirdo niche German-Korean-Deep-South-Military culture bubble and I never quite fit in anywhere.

Probably, as a guess about something impossible to A-B test, ANY woman spending enough time on HN for ANY reason to have ANY hope of making the leaderboard was going to rub everyone wrong for existing.

Having CF and being a former full-time homemaker and general all around LOSER probably made the inevitable social gaffs and chronic state of falling on my face more palatable and forgiveable.

So I'm merely in social cyberia and not, say, jail or the morgue. (No, I'm not kidding.)

I still hate all y'all and this cesspit of a planet is doomed, but I'm pretty damn sure that there's no way to break new ground dramatically without breaking every rule imaginable because there is no protocol for how to include someone like YOU and it's just not done.

Most likely this spectacular failure is a more impressive accomplishment than it sounds like. People typically make incremental progress on social crap over generations.

The guy who invented man-made ice died poverty stricken and in obscurity while everyone decried his offensive desire to do something only God should do: Freeze water.

I hope y'all burn in HELL, especially women wanting to twist my experiences into anecdotal evidence that "Men are ALL just sexist pigs!!!! And that's the ENTIRE reason why I can't get promoted!!!!"

Right. It couldn't possibly be because you are a man-hating bitch and irresponsible child looking for someone to blame for your failures. That couldn't have ANY bearing on why men don't want to promote you.

I'm trying to wrap up a few things and get closure. It was stupid to imagine I could earn a place at the table on merit. It was more dumb to then talk about it publicly on blogs where assholes can find it and hold everything I say against me.

I should probably take ALL my writing offline, frankly. But I'm mostly well when that's not supposed to be possible and figuring out the social dynamics was an interesting hobby for a time before it became too openly hateful and disrespectful with no upside.

But I stayed for a lot of years because I was, in fact, getting something of value out of it, even if you twits couldn't see what that was. I just wish it had led to money.

I'm bitter it didn't given how a zillion MEN lined up to eagerly suck Patrick McKenzie's cock and stuff money in his pockets for the privilege while the exact same men pissed all over me and openly mocked the idea that it's possible for a lone person to make money online. That really pisses me off.