Breakup Songs

I got married at nineteen and had been married more than half my life by the time the divorce was finalized. I've read a lot of articles over the years suggesting women frequently don't know who they are if they aren't this person's wife or girlfriend or that person's mom, so breakups seem to be a huge identity crisis for many women.

I think part of that is because for women, being a wife and mom is frequently "their job."

Men dress for work. Women may dress to please their husband and not know what they like independent of "dressing to please my guy" without thinking of that like they are "dressing for work." Because they are trying to be sexually appealing to their lover and most women don't like the idea of thinking their marriage is like their job if it makes them feel like a sex worker.

When I got divorced, I got a corporate job and was very sick, so I had no life outside of work. I wasn't going out with friends or anything like that.

I worked, I ate, I slept. Rinse and repeat.

During that period, I dreamed of my ex-husband as a symbol for my job, in part because I was "married to the job," in part because I was "working for the man" so it was "the man" in my life and in part because I traded being financially supported by my husband for being financially supported by my job.

At one time, I thought I didn't know who I was if I wasn't his wife. I'm older and my perspective on life has changed, so I look back and feel like I chose a husband who gave me the life I wanted rather than me being defined by him. And I've been divorced long enough and moved around enough post divorce, etc., I have a better idea of "who" I am and what things I am likely to do no matter where I live, man or no man.

So while I absolutely adored the song Miss Me More by Kelsea Ballerina when I first heard it, by the time I heard it, I no longer felt that way about relationships. But it helped me put down some of my baggage from my youth.

If you are young and struggling with where you end and your relationship begins or where you begin once your relationship ends, I think it's one of the best breakup songs out there.

I also am extremely fond of Taylor Swift's We are never ever getting back together. It's an extremely upbeat, feel good style of song with details like the we being pronounced Wheeee!!! sometimes.

At the same time, it doesn't skimp on letting you know she is SO DONE with this guy and his garbage. She's had it up to HERE!

I have a history of on again, off again relationships and it took forever for my long marriage to die a slow, slow death. So it really hits a nerve for me in a good way and I think it's one of her best pieces.

I think it's a real work of art and I don't think that about too many things.