The Crux of My So-called "No Dating" Policy
I met Jack because we hung in the same social circle. I knew a lot of his opinions and he knew mine because we both participated in the same forum, so we "heard" each other's views often without actually speaking directly to each other.
He took an interest in me and when he learned I was celibate for medical reasons and couldn't marry him, he dropped it and allowed me to stay in his social circle even though he's prominent enough he could have probably gotten me banned and multiple other men did ban me or have me banned from their forum when they decided their hard on for me was too much drama for them, though I had done nothing wrong.
Tom met me through a mutual friend. So we both had heard good things about each other beforehand and he knew I was facing a divorce and I knew he was legally separated.
He took an interest in me. I hoped I would get well enough to actually get involved with him in the flesh in a timely fashion and that didn't happen. I dumped him to protect both of us.
Navarre contacted me because of information in my profile somewhere. We talked 9 hours the day we met.
Neither one of us is easy to get next to. We just clicked.
He never spoke of marrying me. He let me gush about wanting to marry him and I imagine I would have walked that back or not done it at all had he ever spoken of marrying me.
He was explicit that I was only a dish on the side and his life was in Iran. And if he came to the US, it wouldn't be via a green card marriage.
Jack put my adsense codes on his blog for a few months, probably under enormous pressure from a mutual acquaintance with an agenda. It put about $100 in my pocket and as soon as I could figure out how to ask diplomatically, I had him remove the codes.
I felt like Jack was deeply poisoned by a history of relationships with women who wanted him for his money but didn't really like him as a person. I believed he didn't want to directly help me out financially the way he repeatedly did our mutual acquaintance because it felt like a form of infidelity to him.
He knew he wanted me and he knew he was defacto buying sex from women who didn't much like him. And giving me money felt icky to him and felt to him like taking the first step towards exchanging his current girlfriend for a new one.
This was absolutely nothing I wanted to be any part of our relationship though I desperately needed money.
I liked Jack for who he was. If he hadn't been a guy with the hots for me, I would have been thrilled to be friends with him.
He had an interesting mind. We had a lot of interests in common. He was a nice guy with uncommonly high ethics.
To my frustration, I ended up avoiding a lot of conversations of interest to me because he had already commented and this tended to lead to friction or to weird comments where I felt he imagined I was expressing interest in the topic to express interest in him rather than the reality that it was coincidence he and I had many interests in common.
Whether we remained merely platonic social acquaintances or ended up lovers, I wanted him to know I wasn't interested in him because of his money. With me, he wouldn't be buying sex from a woman who resented putting out.
And I wouldn't kick him to the curb if he wasn't swimming in dough. His wealth was unrelated to why I liked him.
I initially didn't like him. I found him annoying. He kept talking to me and didn't seem to be hitting on me and he was very prominent on the forum I hung out on. And I somewhat often had no idea what he was going on about.
It took me a long time to realize he was, in fact, crushing on me and wondering if I might make a good wife for him. He wasn't hitting on me -- because he was in a relationship -- but he hadn't married her, didn't love her and was checking me out.
He was vetting me. He had money and power and I suspect his girlfriend was an eyeroll worthy debacle anytime he tried to introduce her to business people he knew.
It's part of why he didn't marry her. He needed someone to keep his bed warm but she didn't make for a good life partner for a businessman.
He cooked dinner half the time. He politely called her a successful artist.
Few artists are capable of supporting themselves with their work. In other words, she was a pretty young thing who shacked up with a wealthy older man, gave him the kids he wanted so he would keep her around longer than six months and she didn't even do the cooking.
A man trying desperately to appear to the world like a nice guy with an egalitarian relationship where the household chores are evenly divided and he's a millionaire and she's "an artist" so neither of them has to introduce her to the neighbors as "his whore" while he checks me out and refuses to marry her is her victim.
Genevieve insisted he help me out financially. He had given her money repeatedly. He declined to give me any directly but did put my adsense codes on his blog.
I used to try to joke "I have sex with men who have sex with me." In other words, I give men a good time who give me a good time.
I don't do it for the money and if I did, I'm quite clear I would charge cash upfront. I'm not interested in marrying for money and I'm vastly less interested in dating for money.
Marriage is a partnership. A pretty young thing marrying an older man for his money ends up being his servant in most cases or sometimes just his whore.
And her position is more secure if she's his servant and does all the cooking and cleaning. A whore is much easier to replace than a woman who has your long list of dietary restrictions memorized and cooks to accommodate that.
Tom and Navarre paid for long distance phone calls. They were more able to afford it and my divorce wasn't yet finalized, so them calling me instead of me calling them kept that number off my phone bill.
But they never gave me money.
I don't get involved with men for the money but apparently that's the norm that men and women both assume that she puts out sexually and he puts out financially and that's the essential basis for the relationship.
If I had been trying to put the bite on Jack for his money, I wouldn't be First Lady of Hacker News. I wouldn't be the only woman on the leaderboard of Hacker News.
He wouldn't have trusted or respected me or believed I really was trying to figure out how to earn my own keep and make money myself for my work.
If you are a woman and you assume that any guy taking a sexual interest in you is on the hook financially because of it though you aren't married and don't have a child by him, let me suggest that your career is going nowhere because you are a whore and men know it and don't trust you. And with good reason.