She's likely a career woman and I was a full-time homemaker and we tend to not jibe well and while I would like to not just be a toxic bitch towards such women, they are all too often toxic bitches towards women like me and I don't know how to respect them without feeling like I'm enabling disrespect and abuse of women like me.
While thinking through some of the points I wanted to make in the above linked post, I mentally went on a long tangent that didn't make it into that piece.
Metafilter was founded by a guy named Matt Haughey but in the time I spent there I never really got to know him. He was the tech guy who created the space as a hobby but my understanding is the person who shaped it into most of what it became is Jessamyn West.
I never really got to know her either but like Paul Graham shaped Hacker News, my understanding is that she is the person who largely shaped Metafilter into what it was but mostly wasn't adequately respected or appreciated for it and I felt that was largely because she was a woman.
I felt that the success of AskMe reflected that it was shaped by a woman who was doing stereotypically womanly kinds of caretaking only atypically it was via an online method. I was fascinated by AskMe but couldn't figure out how to apply it to MY personal success because I wasn't going to be paid to answer questions in AskMe and wasn't getting accepted by the community there and was banned not long after I began getting resume work via Metafilter.
I knew that Jessamyn didn't like me and her personal dislike of me was a factor in my failure to be accepted as part of the community but she didn't directly play a role in getting me unjustly banned. That was Josh Millard, his Good Christian (TM) toxic little wifey and "Eyebrows McGee."
My read on it is that Jessamyn was jealous of the fact that I had been a full-time homemaker and mom and some man loved me and paid my bills and gave me the children I wanted. I suspect a lot of career women are jealous, angry, etc. about feeling like they didn't get that and should have and frequently take it out on women like me rather than having any sympathy for the fact that starting over post divorce with a largely empty resume is a kind of private hell of its own, and never mind I was homeless at the time that she knew me.
I also understood her to have a lot of friction with her mother and it's not uncommon for people to be jealous of my children and be angry that their mom doesn't live up to the standard I set in trying to raise my kids.
But unlike other people on Metafilter who were directly abusive to me and threw it in my face that they had plenty of money and could help me but weren't and were openly GLOATING about it, I never felt Jessamyn was intentionally abusive to me.
I felt she was someone with a lot of personal demons and personal baggage and personal pain and she happened to be extremely influential on Metafilter but had no control over what other people did in reaction to her giving me the cold shoulder because she didn't know how to overcome all that and be proactively kind to someone she found so triggering of all her own hurts.
So I always respected her and her work and recognized that to whatever degree my participation on Metafilter helped me work some things out, I owed her a debt of gratitude because she is why that space was what it was and she didn't need to personally be my bitch or personally cater to my needs and feelings.
She created this thing and in spite of the enormous pain she was in, she didn't try to run me off.
It's not her fault other members of Metafilter weren't as idealistic and high minded as her and were instead petty, childish and using her personal discomfort to enable their shitty agenda to get rid of me for their convenience rather than deal with whatever was wrong with their lives that Josh Millard kept squeeing at me in front of our ten thousand closest friends while he was a moderator and owner of the site, his Christian wife pissed all over ME instead of talking to her husband about what an embarrassment his behavior was for her and Eyebrows McGee was happy to play henchman for Josh because she also hated me but unlike Jessamyn West Eyebrows McGee openly bragged about being petty and vindictive, The Catholic Way I guess.
I don't have a lot of patience for people behaving extremely badly and expecting their victim to understand and forgive them and blah blah blah. But that's not what happened here.
She created a thing that was useful to me for a time. She couldn't get past her personal baggage to befriend me or whatever but no one OWES me that. OTHER people used that fact to intentionally shaft me and I have no reason to believe she knew or was in any way complicit or intentionally a party to what was done to me.
I hope Josh and the little wifey and Eyebrows McGee burn in hell for what the three of them chose to do to a homeless woman trying like hell to sort her problems while two of them wore their delusions of being Good Christians on their sleeves for purposes of virtue signaling.
I hope Jessamyn West, who now finally owns Metafilter, is in a better place than when I was passingly Internet acquainted with her as one of ten thousand people participating in the thing she largely shaped into what it was.