If you spent time primarily identifying as "full-time wife and/or mother" and are trying to get back into the swing of things for some reason, you may need to learn to speak differently to succeed in making that transition.
Women tend to identify themselves by their relationships anyway and this tendency gets worse if you are out of the public eye a long time because those de facto are your primary identity anchors, both legally and psychologically.
For gender inclusivity generally and trans issues: "less is more." Trying to list every possible category is problematic, both politically and in terms of failing to be succinct, clear communication.
The phrase "Regardless of gender" doesn't exclude anyone and is much more elegant than trying to say "men and women" then realizing that leaves out other groups, revisiting it and trying to figure who all and how many to list. The phrase "male or not" is better than "man or woman" for a lot of things when talking about heternormative male privilege.
Be aware of inferred information.
If you say a mother has a recessive genetic disorder and her child does too, you can infer the father is a carrier and any other children she has are carriers. People who don't know much about genetics may not make the inference but the inference can be made.
If a detail is unusual enough, stating it de facto identifies a thing. Some examples:
The military is culturally different. If it's sensitive, it's SECRET. It took me a long time to learn to be more flexible than that.
It's good policy to never, ever, ever say X if you have a stalker or other high stakes issue, but for privacy reasons and other purposes -- avoiding drama, clearly communicating your point -- knowing how to say it when is better.
If you have a serious and obscure medical condition, using the actual name is typically problematic. People won't actually know what that means and may just think you are saying "I'm DYING!" when that isn't what you are saying AT ALL.
You only get ONE chance to make a first impression. Trying to walk back a completely WRONG first impression is a terrible headache that can make you want to throw in the towel entirely.
It's better to make a list of truthful descriptors that give you options for what to say depending on what you are trying to talk about. This might include more general terms -- medical condition, genetic disorder -- and more specific terms -- respiratory issues, incurable disease.
Then if someone does trip across a social media post or other item with the actual name, it matches. You didn't lie. But you also probably didn't have the initial conversation about the health issue in question go sideways for annoying reasons.
This may not be at all obvious from an "insider's" point of view. If "everyone" you deal with knows the name of the condition in question, it may not occur to you that in other contexts, stating the name can lead to stupid levels of pointless drama.
When they met, Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollan were both actors. In recent years, she seems to have largely played the role of wife and mom.
Her husband is a lot more famous than she is and in recent years he is probably best known for having Parkinson's and a foundation for researching it.
If she were to seek to reestablish a more public presence again, identifying herself as "Famous guy's wife" is inherently problematic and likely gets worse with time. His biggest movies were already long ago. As his name fades into obscurity, "name dropping" doesn't even give people the context they need while implying "This woman isn't worth remembering at all in her own right."
Ideally, IF she were doing work in some way related to her firsthand experience dealing with his health issues, she would want to sit down and make a list of descriptors pertinent to her goals:
If you are used to EVERYONE knowing who your husband is and what his diagnosis is, saying "Michael's wife" at in-person events may be all you have to say and this might have been true for years. But it doesn't work in other settings.
It can be a hard habit to break, especially while dealing with new settings generally when we tend to default to habit. But it's a habit that must be broken if a former homemaker hopes to ever make a name for herself.
Women tend to identify themselves by their relationships anyway and this tendency gets worse if you are out of the public eye a long time because those de facto are your primary identity anchors, both legally and psychologically.
...you likely need to take some time to think through the kind of language you will use when speaking publicly about such things...Using specific terms for specific relationships -- spouse, brother, sister, mother, father, my first boss -- can end up identifying a specific individual (or very short list of specific individuals).I was a military wife and had a corporate job. The military tries to avoid pronouns entirely to avoid confusion -- "Which HE do we mean??" -- and corporate speak tries to use more gender-neutral language generally.
For gender inclusivity generally and trans issues: "less is more." Trying to list every possible category is problematic, both politically and in terms of failing to be succinct, clear communication.
The phrase "Regardless of gender" doesn't exclude anyone and is much more elegant than trying to say "men and women" then realizing that leaves out other groups, revisiting it and trying to figure who all and how many to list. The phrase "male or not" is better than "man or woman" for a lot of things when talking about heternormative male privilege.
Be aware of inferred information.
If you say a mother has a recessive genetic disorder and her child does too, you can infer the father is a carrier and any other children she has are carriers. People who don't know much about genetics may not make the inference but the inference can be made.
If a detail is unusual enough, stating it de facto identifies a thing. Some examples:
- "The only Ralph's with a kosher deli" = San Diego, California.
- "The twentieth floor of a building in Columbus Georgia " = The Aflac Tower, the only skyscraper in town.
The military is culturally different. If it's sensitive, it's SECRET. It took me a long time to learn to be more flexible than that.
It's good policy to never, ever, ever say X if you have a stalker or other high stakes issue, but for privacy reasons and other purposes -- avoiding drama, clearly communicating your point -- knowing how to say it when is better.
If you have a serious and obscure medical condition, using the actual name is typically problematic. People won't actually know what that means and may just think you are saying "I'm DYING!" when that isn't what you are saying AT ALL.
You only get ONE chance to make a first impression. Trying to walk back a completely WRONG first impression is a terrible headache that can make you want to throw in the towel entirely.
It's better to make a list of truthful descriptors that give you options for what to say depending on what you are trying to talk about. This might include more general terms -- medical condition, genetic disorder -- and more specific terms -- respiratory issues, incurable disease.
Then if someone does trip across a social media post or other item with the actual name, it matches. You didn't lie. But you also probably didn't have the initial conversation about the health issue in question go sideways for annoying reasons.
This may not be at all obvious from an "insider's" point of view. If "everyone" you deal with knows the name of the condition in question, it may not occur to you that in other contexts, stating the name can lead to stupid levels of pointless drama.
When they met, Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollan were both actors. In recent years, she seems to have largely played the role of wife and mom.
Her husband is a lot more famous than she is and in recent years he is probably best known for having Parkinson's and a foundation for researching it.
If she were to seek to reestablish a more public presence again, identifying herself as "Famous guy's wife" is inherently problematic and likely gets worse with time. His biggest movies were already long ago. As his name fades into obscurity, "name dropping" doesn't even give people the context they need while implying "This woman isn't worth remembering at all in her own right."
Ideally, IF she were doing work in some way related to her firsthand experience dealing with his health issues, she would want to sit down and make a list of descriptors pertinent to her goals:
- Longtime caretaker of someone with a chronic degenerative disorder of the central nervous system.
- Advocate for people coping with mobility-impaired loved ones.
If you are used to EVERYONE knowing who your husband is and what his diagnosis is, saying "Michael's wife" at in-person events may be all you have to say and this might have been true for years. But it doesn't work in other settings.
It can be a hard habit to break, especially while dealing with new settings generally when we tend to default to habit. But it's a habit that must be broken if a former homemaker hopes to ever make a name for herself.