"I just wanted to be able to look back and say "SEE! I DID THAT!"
I spent a lot of years as a homemaker and after doing for everyone else for years, I didn't even know what the hell I was INTERESTED in. It took me a long time to conclude that being a people person is a character trait and meeting the needs of people is a legitimate skill in its own right and there are JOBS that will pay you for being good at that.
Former homemakers often end up doing some variation of paid "women's work" -- cleaning apartments or hotel rooms, cooking, waitressing -- or sometimes they end up stripping or similar if their man ditches them while the kids are still little and their boobs are still firm and yadda and they suddenly need a GOOD PAYING job that leaves time and energy to raise kids, something cleaning homes for a living isn't so good for.
And I'm LUCKY in that I decided when my children were still in elementary school that I would have a real career someday and NOT suffer "empty nest syndrome." I decided to do that not just for ME but for MY CHILDREN. I'm such a devoted mom, I decided I'm not going to be a mom they hate when they get older because my life is empty and I need THEM more than they need ME.
I read some book whose title I can never recall and they did some study where they had people fill out a timeline for their life.
Men would list "I am going to retire from my job....AND finally buy that boat I have always wanted and GO FISHING!" One ending in their life was paired with a new beginning and they were activity-oriented.
Women's futures were filled with nothing but endings and they were endings involving other people, not activities, endings she had no control over. There were no new beginnings imagined.
Their futures were listed as "Everyone GRADUATES, MOVES AWAY and ultimately DIES and I am LEFT ALONE." and these timelines were associated with depression.
So I finished reading that book and my oldest was probably like eight years old and I began researching my future CAREER. I bought Places Rated type books -- the dead tree variety, back before the internet ate the world -- and college guide books and etc.
And over some period of years I set personal goals like "Go back to school" and "Pick a major" and "Decide where I would ideally like to live if I had any say in where I live instead of being sent to wherever my husband's career sends us -- like maybe if I have a Real Career (TM) and can support myself and feel I can afford to divorce the rat bastard at long last."
And eventually I concluded I wanted to "do something related to the built environment" and went through my college book and listed every major related to the built environment and then eliminated various ones. No to Architecture because they do not accept ANY transfer credits. You just do FOUR YEARS in architect school and it has NOTHING to do with anything any other major does. No to Civil Engineering because, oh. my. god, look at the amount of CALCULUS that requires. PUHLEEZE.
I ultimately settled on a Master's in Urban Planning and a Bachelor's in Environmental Studies. Yeah, life got in the way. I still don't have that, but I have PIECES of what I wanted and I continue to pursue my interest in community development work, just not in quite the fashion I IMAGINED it would happen.
Other than STILL being dirt poor, I'm overall mostly happy with a lot of things about my life and I still have dreams and career goals and my life stopped mentally and emotionally revolving around "a man" at some point, a detail that men seem to be unable to comprehend. But I'm happier because I can already say "SEE! I DID THAT!"
And I'm still alive. I probably will be able to say that about a lot more things before it's all over with.