The research says that affairs don't kill marriages. Instead, dying marriages foster affairs and the affair ends up being kind of a crutch to get the person through the transition of the end of their marriage.
Some people feel like they just can't breath when they consider leaving. They are terrified of being alone and can't move towards that goal in their mind, but can move towards a goal of a relationship with this new person.
But that's kind of an illusion and when they get there, they find they don't really want it and it doesn't really work. It was a sort of security blanket to help them cope with the divorce.
Another thing affairs sometimes do is stabilize a dysfunctional relationship so the person can stay even though the relationship doesn't really work. In some cases, a person is a chronic philanderer and goes from one affair to the next without ever getting divorced.
Historically, it was tolerated for a wealthy man to have both a wife and a mistress, so long as he could provide for both and was good to both of them. These days, that is much more frowned upon and it's harder to get away with than it once was, but the evidence suggests that humans are capable of unfaithful for a lot of years without it ending the marriage.
The reality is if a relationship ends, it ends because it no longer works and one or both parties want out, not because there is a new person on the horizon. If there is a new person on the horizon AND someone is leaving, the new person is typically a means to an end, not the actual cause of the demise of the relationship.
Some people feel like they just can't breath when they consider leaving. They are terrified of being alone and can't move towards that goal in their mind, but can move towards a goal of a relationship with this new person.
But that's kind of an illusion and when they get there, they find they don't really want it and it doesn't really work. It was a sort of security blanket to help them cope with the divorce.
Another thing affairs sometimes do is stabilize a dysfunctional relationship so the person can stay even though the relationship doesn't really work. In some cases, a person is a chronic philanderer and goes from one affair to the next without ever getting divorced.
Historically, it was tolerated for a wealthy man to have both a wife and a mistress, so long as he could provide for both and was good to both of them. These days, that is much more frowned upon and it's harder to get away with than it once was, but the evidence suggests that humans are capable of unfaithful for a lot of years without it ending the marriage.
The reality is if a relationship ends, it ends because it no longer works and one or both parties want out, not because there is a new person on the horizon. If there is a new person on the horizon AND someone is leaving, the new person is typically a means to an end, not the actual cause of the demise of the relationship.