I love this movie for so many reasons, from the fact that Robin's unfaithful fiancee is the one going "Aha!" like he caught her redhanded though she didn't stray to the fact that Quinn's age is never actually revealed. But this is my favorite bit from the movie, Harrison Ford commenting derisively on the magazine article title "Ten ways to light his fire."
I was 32 years old before I met a man who found me wildly attractive, could not have me and was not all mad at ME over that fact like it was somehow my fault. Not only was he not mad, he enjoyed my company and enjoyed finding me attractive even though the relationship would never be consumated.
This was shocking and lifechanging for me. Prior to that, I was used to men being really angry at me if they found me strongly attractive and could not have me, as if I had intentionally done something harmful to them by being a pretty girl and also not being so much of a bitch as to cancel out any feeling of attraction.
I've since known other men who simply enjoyed the fact that they found me attractive without hating on me for circumstances that kept us apart, but I remain disturbed that it took me until age 32 to learn that a man can find me extremely attractive and not be enraged by that fact if he can't have me.
I felt punished for much of my life for being both a nice person and pretty, things I was taught I should do simply to be baseline publicly presentable having nothing to do with trying to attract a man. I was taught you had to look a certain way just to be allowed out the front door and you also must have manners, full stop.
And then I was being treated like absolute shit by some men for meeting what I understood to be some minimum standard for leaving the house at all. Excuse me, what?
Some men seem to blame women for their erections and then hold individual women responsible for making them hard and this seems to lead to a conclusion of "Bitch, you owe me sexual gratification for the crime of being attractive and Ima hurt you if you don't deliver on that no matter the reason, even if the reason you are not satisfying me is that I am faithfully married and not willing to stray."
I ultimately adopted an attitude of "Your sexuality existed before you met me and will continue to exist if you exit my life. It's not somehow my fault you get hard." Even if you get more erections than usual because you like me, this is not justification for getting angry at me and taking your anger out on me.
If it's actually a problem, such men could stop associating with me, but men who are hot and bothered by me and being abusive about it usually don't do that. Instead, they typically actively seek out more contact with me even if I am trying to avoid them.
And then they are ugly to me and somehow seem to feel that's acceptable behavior.
I don't find it acceptable at all. I think it's monstrous behavior and I wish they would please, kindly, go die in a fire.
There are a lot of ways sex can lead to trouble. Among other things, it can transmit disease, it can lead to an unwanted pregnancy and it can be an act of betrayal hurting someone else.
So it's hardly shocking that sex gets associated with a lot of negative things, like risk, shame and anger, and this sometimes goes weird places.
But it's absolutely not inevitable that individual men will conclude that women are somehow to blame for men having sexual urges and women somehow deserve to be hurt for it. That's called misogyny and it's abusive behavior.
It's also not inevitable for society to overall agree to treat women like second class citizens, hold women responsible for sexual morality in a way that men are not and so forth.
It's complicated to sort out how to do this dance in a way that's fair to all involved parties, but we can start by adopting the standard that women are not somehow "at fault" for men having erections. If you are over the age of thirteen, surely you have heard the expression morning wood by now?
"You know how a woman gets a man excited? She shows up. That's it. We're guys. We're easy."
I was 32 years old before I met a man who found me wildly attractive, could not have me and was not all mad at ME over that fact like it was somehow my fault. Not only was he not mad, he enjoyed my company and enjoyed finding me attractive even though the relationship would never be consumated.
This was shocking and lifechanging for me. Prior to that, I was used to men being really angry at me if they found me strongly attractive and could not have me, as if I had intentionally done something harmful to them by being a pretty girl and also not being so much of a bitch as to cancel out any feeling of attraction.
I've since known other men who simply enjoyed the fact that they found me attractive without hating on me for circumstances that kept us apart, but I remain disturbed that it took me until age 32 to learn that a man can find me extremely attractive and not be enraged by that fact if he can't have me.
I felt punished for much of my life for being both a nice person and pretty, things I was taught I should do simply to be baseline publicly presentable having nothing to do with trying to attract a man. I was taught you had to look a certain way just to be allowed out the front door and you also must have manners, full stop.
And then I was being treated like absolute shit by some men for meeting what I understood to be some minimum standard for leaving the house at all. Excuse me, what?
Some men seem to blame women for their erections and then hold individual women responsible for making them hard and this seems to lead to a conclusion of "Bitch, you owe me sexual gratification for the crime of being attractive and Ima hurt you if you don't deliver on that no matter the reason, even if the reason you are not satisfying me is that I am faithfully married and not willing to stray."
I ultimately adopted an attitude of "Your sexuality existed before you met me and will continue to exist if you exit my life. It's not somehow my fault you get hard." Even if you get more erections than usual because you like me, this is not justification for getting angry at me and taking your anger out on me.
If it's actually a problem, such men could stop associating with me, but men who are hot and bothered by me and being abusive about it usually don't do that. Instead, they typically actively seek out more contact with me even if I am trying to avoid them.
And then they are ugly to me and somehow seem to feel that's acceptable behavior.
I don't find it acceptable at all. I think it's monstrous behavior and I wish they would please, kindly, go die in a fire.
There are a lot of ways sex can lead to trouble. Among other things, it can transmit disease, it can lead to an unwanted pregnancy and it can be an act of betrayal hurting someone else.
So it's hardly shocking that sex gets associated with a lot of negative things, like risk, shame and anger, and this sometimes goes weird places.
But it's absolutely not inevitable that individual men will conclude that women are somehow to blame for men having sexual urges and women somehow deserve to be hurt for it. That's called misogyny and it's abusive behavior.
It's also not inevitable for society to overall agree to treat women like second class citizens, hold women responsible for sexual morality in a way that men are not and so forth.
It's complicated to sort out how to do this dance in a way that's fair to all involved parties, but we can start by adopting the standard that women are not somehow "at fault" for men having erections. If you are over the age of thirteen, surely you have heard the expression morning wood by now?