After being a homemaker for a couple of decades, I got a corporate job at like age 41. I was still a bit of a ninny who didn't yet have a hypothesis concerning public life versus private life and I just acted like "me."
I'm innately very friendly and talkative and this sometimes goes good places and sometimes goes weird places. Over the years, I have learned to tone it down a bit in public sphere settings.
My first desk was just a few aisles down from the office of a man who was very humble and personable, so he was always polite and friendly to me. It took me a stupidly long time to connect the dots and realize the stereotypical corner office meant he was one of the most powerful people in the department.
He and I got along well and I was happy to talk to him like a human being and not make a big deal of his rank, which was something I was used to doing because when I was a military wife I would make small talk with Generals and their wives at military balls and the like. I think he welcomed the chance to chat like a "normal" person.
I once sat with him in the breakroom while doing overtime on a Saturday and all the other tables were full. No one else was willing to sit down with one of the big bosses, so it was the only seat open and I, by God, was going to eat.
As they say: It's lonely at the top. He brightened up that someone was willing to share his table and we made small talk about food while eating.
There was another man in the department who was higher ranking than me whose rank also was initially lost on me. He wasn't a big boss, but at some point I found out he was slated to become MY immediate boss and I had to arrange a meeting as quickly as possible with my current immediate boss and essentially put a stop to that.
I would pass this guy in the hall or run into him in the cafeteria and I had never worked with him, so I had no idea who he was or what his name was. We were both just chatty people. So far, so good.
One day, I ran into him at the grocery store and, startled and trying to be polite while dodging out of my way, he called me something like Hon or Doll. I thought it was sweet and funny and just meant he was fond of me and didn't know my name because no formal introductions had been made.
Unfortunately, having established that precedent, the next time I passed him in the hall at work he again called me by some endearment and another incident a couple of days later felt particularly skeevy to me. This was rather concerning to me, so I made a concerted effort to look his name up in the system before going home for the night.
That was late on a Friday before a three day weekend. On Tuesday, right after I got to work, I met with my boss to ask how to handle a file and incidentally asked if he knew yet who was replacing him and he said "You are getting (mr. skeevy)."
I was alarmed but decided to sleep on it. I woke up the next day and felt clear that I needed to talk to my boss about the situation post haste but he wasn't there that day.
I think it was late Thursday before my boss and I were able to actually meet privately -- in a reserved room instead of his cubicle so no one could hear the conversation -- so I could explain the situation and assure him the guy hadn't yet done anything that should be reported to HR but I didn't even know if he was married to which he said "He is married." with a tone like someone had just died.
So my boss begins talking about some Machiavellian scheme to set the guy up to out himself. He wanted to introduce him individually to all team members and see how he reacted to meeting me and I was like "So far, NOTHING has happened. Just talk to the guy. Worst case scenario, I get quietly moved and he is never my boss."
He talked to the guy I think that Friday. My then boss did not tell me the details of the conversation but I was quietly moved and the guy didn't meet my eyes for a month after that meeting and clearly looked ashamed as he came out the building that same day after that meeting.
He was the golden boy of the department and many people adored him. Then one day about two years and two months after he took over my old team, I came to work and a manager was cleaning out his cubicle.
He had been fired and the rumor mill suggested it was due to either an illicit affair with another employee or sexual harrassment. I could readily believe either or even both.
Following his sudden and unexpected departure, the department took on a funerary air. Meanwhile, I had to contain my urge to dance in the aisles and play the kazoo.
Two days later, while much of the department was still in shock over the firing incident, there was a departmental meeting. As roughly five hundred of us milled around waiting for the first speaker to show up, the very high ranking man mentioned at the start of this piece began to make a beeline towards me with a look of enthusiasm on his face.
I felt like "Oh, God. No. This is The Worst Timing Ever." and turned my body away and averted my eyes. He didn't miss a beat. He just kept walking right on past me, giving no evidence anything important had just happened. Probably no one but he and I had any idea anything at all had just happened.
Okay, potential disaster averted, but now I had a new problem: One of the big bosses likely thought I was mad at him or something.
I have nerve damage to one side of my face and I used to have a great deal of trouble intentionally smiling, but I made sure to smile at him the next time I passed him in the hall to try to signal "Everything is fine between us." He said "Excuse me." as he went past me and, based in large part on the tone of his voice, I felt confident everything would be okay.
After that, he was friendly and personable and talkative when there were only a few people around but he was all business at departmental meetings. He had gotten the memo that I was concerned about his need for no appearance of impropriety and protecting him and the company from there being talk.
It wasn't good enough that nothing inappropriate was going on between us. There needed to be no opening to fuel the rumor mill, especially so soon after an actual scandal had such things uppermost in the minds of everyone in the department.
I had the impression he appreciated me looking out for him in part because at some later date I got a departmental award and some technical thing I had done was supposed to be made available on the intranet and no one seemed to know how to make that happen. After asking multiple people and being stymied, I ran into him in the hall and he said "Email me about it" and he made sure someone handled it.
I'm innately very friendly and talkative and this sometimes goes good places and sometimes goes weird places. Over the years, I have learned to tone it down a bit in public sphere settings.
My first desk was just a few aisles down from the office of a man who was very humble and personable, so he was always polite and friendly to me. It took me a stupidly long time to connect the dots and realize the stereotypical corner office meant he was one of the most powerful people in the department.
He and I got along well and I was happy to talk to him like a human being and not make a big deal of his rank, which was something I was used to doing because when I was a military wife I would make small talk with Generals and their wives at military balls and the like. I think he welcomed the chance to chat like a "normal" person.
I once sat with him in the breakroom while doing overtime on a Saturday and all the other tables were full. No one else was willing to sit down with one of the big bosses, so it was the only seat open and I, by God, was going to eat.
As they say: It's lonely at the top. He brightened up that someone was willing to share his table and we made small talk about food while eating.
There was another man in the department who was higher ranking than me whose rank also was initially lost on me. He wasn't a big boss, but at some point I found out he was slated to become MY immediate boss and I had to arrange a meeting as quickly as possible with my current immediate boss and essentially put a stop to that.
I would pass this guy in the hall or run into him in the cafeteria and I had never worked with him, so I had no idea who he was or what his name was. We were both just chatty people. So far, so good.
One day, I ran into him at the grocery store and, startled and trying to be polite while dodging out of my way, he called me something like Hon or Doll. I thought it was sweet and funny and just meant he was fond of me and didn't know my name because no formal introductions had been made.
Unfortunately, having established that precedent, the next time I passed him in the hall at work he again called me by some endearment and another incident a couple of days later felt particularly skeevy to me. This was rather concerning to me, so I made a concerted effort to look his name up in the system before going home for the night.
That was late on a Friday before a three day weekend. On Tuesday, right after I got to work, I met with my boss to ask how to handle a file and incidentally asked if he knew yet who was replacing him and he said "You are getting (mr. skeevy)."
I was alarmed but decided to sleep on it. I woke up the next day and felt clear that I needed to talk to my boss about the situation post haste but he wasn't there that day.
I think it was late Thursday before my boss and I were able to actually meet privately -- in a reserved room instead of his cubicle so no one could hear the conversation -- so I could explain the situation and assure him the guy hadn't yet done anything that should be reported to HR but I didn't even know if he was married to which he said "He is married." with a tone like someone had just died.
So my boss begins talking about some Machiavellian scheme to set the guy up to out himself. He wanted to introduce him individually to all team members and see how he reacted to meeting me and I was like "So far, NOTHING has happened. Just talk to the guy. Worst case scenario, I get quietly moved and he is never my boss."
He talked to the guy I think that Friday. My then boss did not tell me the details of the conversation but I was quietly moved and the guy didn't meet my eyes for a month after that meeting and clearly looked ashamed as he came out the building that same day after that meeting.
He was the golden boy of the department and many people adored him. Then one day about two years and two months after he took over my old team, I came to work and a manager was cleaning out his cubicle.
He had been fired and the rumor mill suggested it was due to either an illicit affair with another employee or sexual harrassment. I could readily believe either or even both.
Following his sudden and unexpected departure, the department took on a funerary air. Meanwhile, I had to contain my urge to dance in the aisles and play the kazoo.
Two days later, while much of the department was still in shock over the firing incident, there was a departmental meeting. As roughly five hundred of us milled around waiting for the first speaker to show up, the very high ranking man mentioned at the start of this piece began to make a beeline towards me with a look of enthusiasm on his face.
I felt like "Oh, God. No. This is The Worst Timing Ever." and turned my body away and averted my eyes. He didn't miss a beat. He just kept walking right on past me, giving no evidence anything important had just happened. Probably no one but he and I had any idea anything at all had just happened.
Okay, potential disaster averted, but now I had a new problem: One of the big bosses likely thought I was mad at him or something.
I have nerve damage to one side of my face and I used to have a great deal of trouble intentionally smiling, but I made sure to smile at him the next time I passed him in the hall to try to signal "Everything is fine between us." He said "Excuse me." as he went past me and, based in large part on the tone of his voice, I felt confident everything would be okay.
After that, he was friendly and personable and talkative when there were only a few people around but he was all business at departmental meetings. He had gotten the memo that I was concerned about his need for no appearance of impropriety and protecting him and the company from there being talk.
It wasn't good enough that nothing inappropriate was going on between us. There needed to be no opening to fuel the rumor mill, especially so soon after an actual scandal had such things uppermost in the minds of everyone in the department.
I had the impression he appreciated me looking out for him in part because at some later date I got a departmental award and some technical thing I had done was supposed to be made available on the intranet and no one seemed to know how to make that happen. After asking multiple people and being stymied, I ran into him in the hall and he said "Email me about it" and he made sure someone handled it.